Pre-Separation Anxiety

“She had just realized there were two things that prevent us from achieving our dreams: believing them to be impossible or seeing those dreams made possible by some sudden turn of the wheel of fortune, when you least expected it. For at that moment, all our fears suddenly surface: the fear of setting off along a road heading who knows where, the fear of a life full of new challenges, the fear of losing forever everything that is familiar.”  ~ Paulo Coelho 

My time at work and in Afghanistan is running out. With the anticipation and excitement of a different life after almost 6 years comes just as intense the fear and the hesitation to embark in a world of unknown.

I thought the promise of a new and safer environment, new colleagues and friends, new lifestyle, new lessons at work and in life could mask the deep attachment to what I have been accustomed to. I thought it was easy to let go. I was wrong.

It may be because I found joy and fulfillment in my job. I never thought I’d get these opportunities that I had, but they came my way, anyway. More importantly, as I grew along with the company, I became a valued, respected and credible employee.

I will leave behind friends that I may never see again, and I can only hope that they will always be safe long after I have left.

I have to learn to accept that travelling will no longer be as frequent as it did. But I am looking forward to the mini local trips and will get to know a locality in depth. I can sit in the park on weekends and watch lovers and families play, I can go to the malls, visit museums and zoos, do my chores, go on a road trip, learn new stuff, dine in newly-opened restaurants.

This page will not die but will evolve into documenting new and different interests.

There are a lot of trade-offs that it’s difficult to gauge whether I chose a win-win option. What I know is that each path will lead me to something wonderful, I just have to have faith that it will.

For sure, it means getting used to living freely. I refuse to say “real world” as in my opinion, I am living in a real world here. Though the situation is different, I lived a real life, I LIVED in the many years I spent here. I was exposed to and dealt with challenges, trials, problems, triumphs, laughter, friendships, roller coaster of emotions. Cant this be called real world too?

I comfort myself in  the thought that like I did when I came here, I have a new opportunity to create a new chapter of my life. It’s time for these wings to expand its horizon.

Needless to say, I had valid and rational reasons why I came up with this decision. It wasn’t reckless. It was carefully considered. And so when depression and anxiety attack, I go back to the roots and remind myself why I need to be resolved and strong to embrace the changes.

Each time I feel like this and get hesitant about moving forward, I can almost hear Paulo Coelho’s words ringing in my ear. Somehow it brings me strength and relief.

For however tough the road seems now, it signifies that slowly the dream is being realized 🙂

Come join me in the countdown!!!


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