Do you remember those times when you felt so afraid and shaken, caught off guard with “an unpleasant surprise”? In an instant your groove gets interrupted, your plans seem disrupted, your motion directionless.
It seems as though all the goals you had in mind come crashing in. You see them vanish into thin air, and just like that, gone.
This happened to me a few days ago. My future fast forwarded before my very eyes, and those things that I am investing in, seems to have moved further back in reality. I was lost.
I did allow myself to feel confused. I took time to worry and grieve for the what could’ve beens. A lot of questions came and I felt I needed to have answers immediately. I felt I needed plans, back-up plans, options, sub-options, imagining all possible scenarios and trying to get some direction. Until my head hurts.
I got tired from thinking too much.
I am on the verge of losing something.
I am reminded to be still and raise all these fears up. I am reminded not to doubt and trust in the plan, believe that my prayers, even before this happened, will be heard. I, just like that, stopped worrying, and just let life take its course on me.
It isn’t by chance that I have these people I have now, who unknowingly inspires me by sharing their own similar journey, who are always there giving me strength and encouragement.
Right now, and not too long since I was “shattered”, I feel that comfort and faith that something grand is in store for me. Somebody dear to me told me before to not scramble when in “deep s%&#” as it will only push you deeper. So, I have been learning how to respond to like situations.
It is not easy. Emotions and the regimented me tries so hard to not let things fall apart.
But I have learned time and time again, that the best way to not let things fall apart is to let them be. Let them be broken. Let them fade. Let them go. Sooner than you realize, new things are born. New ideas are formed. New pictures of what will be are developed. New paths are made.
I am still in limbo. But I am welcoming each day as it comes. I take what is given me and pray for what isn’t. Yet. It is easier this way.
I am a child of God. I am firm on my belief that He is faithful to me, regardless of whether I deserve it or not. I will be still and let Him work another wonder in my life.
For if there is one thing that God has been good at to me, it’s that He very well knows how to surprise me when I least expected it. He has healed me from fear. He will deliver me to where I should be at the right time.
This void, sooner or later, is about to be filled.
PS… I was planning to write this blog when I was in between doubt and trust. There must be a reason why I just had time to write about it now.